899. Men tell us what they want in BED: Better sex with Vanessa + Xander Marin

In this episode, Vanessa Marin, renowned sex therapist + her husband Xander Marin get radically honest about self-worth, communication, and desire—including the surprising ways couples lose their sexual connection. They share how they found their way back to intimacy, pleasure, and each other.

Ahead, Vanessa + Xander share the messy, vulnerable story of losing their sexual connection, what finally forced them to change, and the surprising ways work, stress, gender roles, and resentment can affect your sex life. We also explore why so many women struggle to receive, and why men may be asking for connection when they’re asking for sex.

This conversation will make you rethink what you’ve been prioritizing—and what you’ve been calling “not enough time” for. Vanessa + Xander get real about desire, pleasure, boundaries, initiation, and the small shifts that can completely change the way you experience intimacy with your partner.

We also talk about:

Why long-term relationships can quietly lose their sexual spark

How sex can become a test of whether you’re attractive, wanted, or “enough”

Why men may use sex as a way to ask for emotional connection

The six different styles of sexual initiation

Why women are often socialized to struggle with receiving pleasure

How work boundaries transformed Xander’s relationship + sex life

Masculinity, femininity, and how gender roles show up in the bedroom

Why having a shared purpose can deepen your relationship