Coercive Control in Divorce: When Does Conflict Become Abuse?

Coercive and controlling behaviour is one of the most complex and widely discussed issues in family law today.

In this episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law professionals Darren Mort and Joplin Higgins explore how this behaviour appears in relationships, how it is interpreted in the court system, and why it can be difficult to prove.

Through an unscripted role-play scenario, Darren and Joplin demonstrate how two people in the same relationship can experience the same situation very differently.

The discussion highlights how patterns of behaviour—rather than isolated incidents—are often the key to understanding coercive control within marriages and during divorce proceedings.

What Is Coercive and Controlling Behaviour?The episode begins by unpacking the meaning of coercive control, a form of family violence that may not involve physical harm but can include psychological, financial, or emotional manipulation.

Darren and Joplin explain that many people struggle to identify coercive control because:

It often occurs gradually over timeIt may involve subtle forms of manipulationVictims may feel constantly on edge or fearful without clear incidents of physical violenceThis makes the issue both legally and emotionally complex.

Financial Control vs Household BudgetingA key discussion point is the difference between legitimate financial management and financial abuse.

Joplin explains that setting a household budget is normal in many relationships. However, financial behaviour may become controlling when it includes:

Restricting access to moneyRequiring detailed justification for everyday spendingMonitoring purchases in a way that undermines autonomyControlling access to government payments or incomeThese patterns can lead to a situation where one partner loses financial independence.

Patterns of Behaviour in Family LawBoth Darren and Joplin emphasise that coercive control is rarely defined by a single incident.

Instead, courts typically look for: