Better Divorce Settlements Start With One Question | Katherine Miller, The Emotionally Savvy Divorce

What if the thing you're fighting hardest for in your divorce isn't actually what you need?

In this episode of the Emotionally Savvy Divorce series, Katherine Miller, family lawyer, mediator, and author of The Emotionally Savvy Divorce, breaks down one of the most useful distinctions in any negotiation: positions versus interests. Most people walk into divorce already certain of what they want. Katherine explains why that certainty is often standing in the way of a better outcome.

Using real mediation stories, including a custody case built around a family's summer vacation home, Katherine shows how asking "why does this matter to me?" can turn a stalemate into a solution neither side saw coming.

Listen in for a conversation about why letting go of a position isn't losing, and how understanding your real interests opens up possibilities that arguing over demands never will.

In this episode, you'll learn:

Why the thing you ask for in divorce often isn't the thing you actually needHow to tell the difference between a position and an interestThe four-prong test for identifying what really matters to youHow reframing a demand can turn a stuck negotiation into a shared problem to solveHighlights:

(00:00) Meet Katherine Miller

(02:07) Part One: We confuse positions with needs

(03:37) What an interest actually is, and why it matters

(05:16) Part Two: We become attached to one solution

(06:44) Unpacking what a position, like staying in the house, is really giving you

(08:40) Part Three: Discovering the interest beneath the position