How to ask for what you need without becoming 'The Difficult One'

'I don't want them to think I'm difficult.'

I've heard that sentence more times than I can count, usually about four minutes after somebody has told me the best news of their year. They’ve landed a gig, an exhibition, commission. The residency they've wanted since art school. We celebrate, then the room goes quiet, and out it comes.

What they're worried about is never the work. It's the hundred emails from eleven different people wanting an answer that afternoon. The day of travel with nothing after it. The meet and greet with thirty people on arrival. Whether there will be somewhere to sit down for ten minutes. Whether the biggest decisions will land on the day they have the least energy.

If you have ever done that arithmetic before saying yes, this episode is for you, because I want to give you something better than hoping it will be fine.

Last week, I talked about my own experience of chronic fatigue and learning the conditions that let me flourish. That was the part we have some influence over.

This part is harder, because it involves asking somebody else for something so we can work at our best. By the end, you will understand why asking feels so hard and how to do it without appearing “difficult to work with”.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Most artists need certain conditions to do their best work e.g. ramp access, a day of rest between public events or meal breaks at particular times. But many worry that asking for “special” arrangements will make them seem difficult and affect future opportunities.

Hiding the conditions you need comes at a cost. The energy you spend worrying about what people will think could be channelled into your work.

An access rider gives artists a way to put their needs in writing before you're tired or under pressure. Every artist should consider writing one, whether they would describe themselves as disabled or not.

BEST MOMENTS

“When an artist told me early in writing exactly what they needed in order to do their best work, my honest reaction was relief, not irritation.”