When One Partner's Kinky & the Other Isn't with Amanda Dames

Amanda Dames, The Kink Consultant, loves helping couples struggling to reconcile a mismatch in their desires, specifically surrounding kink. She's a certified Somatica sex and relationship coach and certified sexologist who specializes in couples where one partner is kinky and the other one isn't, and the way she works with them will change how you think about asking for what you want, whether your fantasy involves rope or just finally being taken to a dinner you didn't have to plan.

In this episode:

- Why both monogamy and polyamory require partners to make sacrifices, and no one wants to talk about it

- Amanda's first coaching move isn't catering to the kinky partner, it's finding out what the vanilla partner actually wants

- Why "I don't have any fantasies" is almost never true

- The massage problem: why her ask and his ask are way closer than either of them thinks

- Porn vs. romance novels — both are erotic material, but only one gets made fun of by men

- Nine out of ten of Amanda's clients are husbands who want to submit (and her theory on why the dominant ones are all from New Jersey)

- Amanda's ten-session process with couples, laid out start to finish

- Why she thinks communication is NOT the most important thing in relationships

- The most freeing thing you'll hear if you're scared to top someone — they're already doing 90% of the work

- Subspace, dom flow, and finding your authentic dominant instead of playing a role