Tiptoes (2002) - S16 E125

We are reaching new heights in the third instalment of Dan’s “Size Doesn’t Matter” theme, and Sarah’s jaw is quite literally still on the floor. This week, we are unpacking the 2002 cult curiosity Tiptoes, a misguided movie so notorious that is has sat on YouTube for eight years without a single copyright claim.

We dive into the troubled production of director Matthew Bright, exploring how a supposedly “gorgeous” three-hour cut was hacked into an 86-minute cinematic failure that effectively ended a career. For the hardcore cinephiles who love a train wreck, we analyse the perplexing casting choices that led to the legendary Gary Oldman playing a person with dwarfism. Between the rubber legs, the fake nose, and the sombre “issues” based drama that suddenly shifts into slapstick, it is a misguided directorial vision for the ages.

We also take a short look at the rest of the A-list cast including Matthew McConaughey as a wall-punching firefighter trainer, Kate Beckinsale in her lucky Scrooge McDuck hat, and Peter Dinklage sporting a French accent that defies explanation. With dramatic tone shifts that rival The Room and Battlefield Earth, we ask the big questions: Why was this made? How did it cost $1.2 million? And is this truly the terrible movie to end all terrible movies?

What to expect from this episode:

Dan explains why he chose Tiptoes as the anchor for this season’s theme.

Sarah describes the literal physical toll of watching the film with her mouth agape.

We discuss the career-ending fallout for director Matthew Bright following the release.

A deep dive into the technical wizardry and horror of Gary Oldman’s dwarfism prosthetics.

We analyse Matthew McMconaughey’s early 2000s performance and his strange habit of punching hospital walls.

The mystery of Kate Beckinsale’s lucky hat and its possible connection to her future career.

Peter Dinklage and Patricia Arquette’s inexplicable subplot involving motorcycles and Marxism is dissected.

We debate if the legendary three-hour director’s cut could have actually saved this.