Episode 107: How to Be Happy Without Being Happy All the Time with Declan Edwards

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “I’ll be happy when…”?

When I achieve the goal. When I earn more money. When the kids are settled. When work calms down. When I finally get through this busy season of life. But what if being happier isn’t about reaching a point where we feel happy all the time?

In this episode of It’s a Mindset, I’m joined by happiness researcher, educator and philosopher Declan Edwards, founder of BU Happiness College and author of How To Be Happy. With a Masters Degree in Positive Psychology, Declan has dedicated his career to understanding the science and skillsets behind happier workplaces, communities and lives, sharing his insights with organisations including the United Nations General Assembly, PKF Global, TEDx and The Red Cross.

And really, who doesn’t want to be happier? I know I certainly do. But what I took most from this conversation wasn’t about trying to feel happy all the time. In fact, it was almost the opposite. Declan and I explore why we need to become more curious about all of our emotions rather than labelling some as good and others as bad. Our emotions move and change when we allow ourselves to experience them, and perhaps by making room for the full spectrum of being human, we create more room for happiness too.

We unpack what positive psychology actually is and explore the PERMAH model of wellbeing, our natural human bias towards noticing the negative, and the value of sometimes simply doing something because it makes us feel good. We also talk about the “I’ll be happy when” trap — our tendency to postpone happiness until something in our lives changes — and why our own happiness matters not only for us, but for the ripple effect it can have on the people around us.

This is such an insightful and uplifting conversation about understanding our emotions, letting go of the expectation that we should be happy all the time and recognising that happiness is something we can actively cultivate within the lives we’re already living.

Key Episode Takeaways:

Positive psychology isn’t simply about positive thinking. Declan explains what positive psychology actually explores and introduces the PERMAH model and the different elements that contribute to our wellbeing.

Happiness doesn’t mean being happy all the time. Making space for the full range of our emotions can be an important part of experiencing greater happiness and wellbeing.

Sometimes it’s valuable to simply do things that make you feel good. Not everything needs to be productive, impressive or moving us towards another goal — pleasure and enjoyment have value too.

All of our emotions have a place. Through the wheel of emotions, we explore why becoming curious about what we’re feeling can be more helpful than trying to avoid or suppress the emotions we’d rather not experience.

Our brains naturally pay more attention to the negative. Understanding our human negativity bias can help us recognise why noticing and cultivating the good in our lives sometimes requires intention.