Why Aren't We Having Sex Anymore? Sex Therapist Marissa Nelson on Getting Intimacy Back After Kids.

"Why aren’t we having sex anymore?" It’s the question so many parents think but never say out loud. In this episode, Lauren gets brutally honest about pretending to be asleep rather than let the possibility of sex enter the room — and brings in award-winning sex therapist Marissa Nelson (Intimacy Moons) to unpack what’s actually happening underneath.

They talk about the invisible mental load that kills desire, why "sexual ecology" matters more than just being "in the mood," the real difference between low desire and asexuality, why vacation sex feels effortless while date-night sex can feel like pressure, and how couples quietly drift from lovers into "besties but not lovers." The takeaway: you are not broken — you’re buried. And there’s a way back.

Topics covered:

The mental load: why it’s the real intimacy killer

Sexual ecology: why desire isn’t a switch you flip

Postpartum, perimenopause, and what hormones actually do to desire

"Am I asexual now?" — how to tell the difference

Don’t reject, redirect: a better way to say no

The vacation-sex paradox: why time away feels easier than date night

Spectatoring: the "oscillating fan" in your head during sex

The desire model: discovery, embodiment, safety, repair, eroticism

Besties but not lovers: how couples drift into the roommate zone