The Science of How Small Talk Can Add Up to a Big Life with Dr. Gillian Sandstrom

Welcome to the Conversation Factory, conversation designers. My guest today is Dr. Gillian Sandstrom, a psychologist at the University of Sussex who studies what happens when we talk to people we don't know. She is a scientist of Small Talk.

Her book, Once Upon a Stranger, is all about the science of how small talk can add up to a big life.

And I know exactly what you're thinking.

I hate small talk.

I hear this all the time from plenty of senior leaders.

"It's dumb, it's a waste of time!" they say. "Let's just get on with the real stuff. Big Talk!"

The research does not support your aversion.

Your brain is telling you that you dislike small talk because it feels hard. That hardness is the resistance we feel toward any new skill, not evidence that it isn't worth doing.

Small talk is a learnable skill, and it is far better for us than we think. It's like medicine we don't want to take that can heal us tremendously.

Dr. Sandstrom's data is clear: small talk is a life skill.

My anecdotal data shows that small talk is also a leadership skill.

A leader who says "I hate small talk" is missing out on opportunities to intentionally create connection and community, to learn what's really going on with their team, to build a little psychological safety into every meeting and interaction.