209. How to Rewire Your Brain and Rebuild Your Life After Toxic Love

The divorce may be final—or still unfolding—but your mind and body may remain stuck in survival mode.

In this episode of We Chat Divorce, Karen Chellew and Catherine Shanahan welcome back Jackie Miller, certified trauma-informed coach, author, speaker, and host of Out of Crazy Town: Your Guide to Divorcing a Narcissist.

Jackie shares insights from her new book, Winning: Rewiring Your Brain and Your Life After Toxic Love, explaining why people leaving toxic or high-conflict relationships often continue to experience fear, rumination, and emotional overwhelm. She also explores how these patterns can affect financial decisions during divorce and make it harder to move forward.

The conversation examines the three powerful hooks that can keep someone tethered to an unhealthy relationship: the need for justice, the need for closure, and the need to prove yourself. Jackie shares her own experience spending significant time and money searching for hidden assets—and the important lesson she learned about balancing the pursuit of answers with the cost of remaining emotionally and financially stuck.

You’ll also learn practical ways to interrupt the cycle, including creating a “rescue thought,” practicing future orientation, and using Jackie’s WIN Method:

Witness what is happening.

Interrupt the spiral.

Insert a new script.

Jackie explains why writing down your values and creating a clear vision for your future can become your North Star throughout divorce. Karen and Catherine connect this work to financial clarity: when you understand the known facts, you can identify which unknowns truly matter and make more strategic decisions about where to spend your time, energy, and money.

In this episode:

Why your brain may remain in survival mode after a toxic relationship

How rumination can interfere with divorce and financial decisions