E 376: Tammys Takes #48: Your Brain Keeps Rehearsing a Life That Isn’t Happening

Do you rehearse conversations before they happen, anticipate how someone will react, or find yourself worrying about problems that don't even exist yet?

For many adult children of dysfunctional families, overthinking and catastrophizing aren't just bad habits. They can be old survival patterns.

In my conversation with Chris Wasco, we talked about what she calls “recycled thoughts”—replaying past experiences and using them to prepare ourselves for what might happen next.

And it made me think about how many adult children live five steps ahead of their own lives.

What if they're mad at me?

What if I say the wrong thing?

What if they leave?

What if I fail?

What if something bad happens?

It feels like you're worrying about the future.

But sometimes, your nervous system is actually responding to the past.

If you grew up in an unpredictable or dysfunctional home, anticipating what might happen next may have helped you feel safer. You learned to read the room, monitor people's moods, rehearse what you were going to say, and prepare for conflict before it happened.