Graymatter: Master AI. Master yourself. Build what matters.

← Graymatter: Master AI. Master yourself. Build what matters.20. Apr. · 6 Min.

Three Questions Before You Say Yes (in the AI Era)

Three Questions Before You Say Yes (in the AI Era)20. Apr.6 Min.

I’ve been reading The Way of Excellence by Brad Stulberg — subtitle, a guide to true greatness and deep satisfaction in a chaotic world. The timing feels right. AI is reshaping jobs, companies, and the skills that matter. Every week I talk to leaders asking some version of the same question: where do I put my time now?

One section in Chapter 2 really resonated with me. Stulberg calls it selecting worthwhile pursuits — and it gave me a diagnostic I am starting to use on every new project, every inbound opportunity, every commitment I’m weighing.

TL;DR:

* Decades of research on motivation point to three core needs: autonomy, competence, and belonging

* Before saying yes to a project, job, or commitment, ask: will this increase or decrease autonomy, competence, or belonging in my life?

* In an AI-disrupted career, this filter matters more — because the wrong yes compounds faster

* For existing commitments, ask what conversations or moves would restore any of the three

* Bonus: turn the filter into a prompt and riff with Claude or ChatGPT on the decisions you’re stuck on

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The Three Needs

Stulberg pulls from decades of self-determination research. We thrive over the long haul when three needs are met:

Autonomy — some control over how we spend our time and energy. Not total freedom. Just a real say in the how.