1340. Is It Your Personality or a TRAUMA Response? How to Recognize Protective Patterns w/ Tammy Valicenti

Hey Heal Squad! Our friend, psychotherapist and trauma expert, Tammy Valicenti, is back! And with our next Heal Squad Retreat at Canyon Ranch coming up this October (where Tammy will be joining us!), the timing couldn’t be more perfect! Today, Maria and Tammy get into something we can ALL relate to: What if some of the things you think are just your personality are actually ways you learned to protect yourself? Maybe you're always the strong one. Maybe you're a people-pleaser, a control freak, hyper-independent, or someone who simply cannot relax without feeling guilty. Tammy explains how our families, experiences, and even our culture can shape these patterns and how to recognize when one of those parts is working a little too hard. And here's where it gets really helpful: Tammy teaches us what to actually DO when one of these patterns shows up. She walks us through how to stop, get out of our heads and into our bodies, notice where we're feeling discomfort, and ask that part of ourselves two simple questions: “Who are you?” and “What do you need from me?” We also give you a refresher on  Internal Family Systems (IFS), why pushing uncomfortable feelings away can actually make them louder, and why REST can feel so uncomfortable when you've spent your life doing, fixing, helping, and taking care of everyone else. And yes…. Tammy says even feeling peace is something we can practice.Plus, Tammy shares some of the incredible shifts she witnessed at our Day of Reset and gives us a little preview of the deeper work we'll be doing together at Canyon Ranch! Enjoy!

HEALERS & HEAL-LINERS

Get curious instead of pushing it away: When anxiety, fear, or discomfort shows up, pause and notice where you feel it in your body. Instead of telling it to go away, ask, “What do you need from me?” Tammy says sometimes simply acknowledging that part can help it soften and create space between you and the feeling.

There are no “bad parts” of you: The people-pleaser, perfectionist, controller, or hyper-independent part may have developed to protect you. Healing isn't necessarily about getting rid of those parts; it's understanding why they're working so hard and helping them come back into balance so they no longer run the show.

Leave yourself breadcrumbs back to YOU: In moments of fear, self-doubt, or crisis, it can be hard to remember how many difficult things you've already made it through. Keep track of your breakthroughs, wins, values, mantras, and reminders of who you are so you have something to return to when you feel disconnected from yourself.

Join us at our Canyon Ranch 2026 Retreat:

https://www.canyonranch.com/lenox/retreats/heal-retreat-maria-menounos

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