Desires: Resolving The Differences Between Men & Women - Lyn Smith & Fran Frye

Lyn sits down with sex counselor Fran Frye to dismantle the common misconceptions surrounding male and female sexual desires. Drawing from her personal journey as a rape survivor turned advocate, Fran offers a profound look into the world of problematic sexual behaviours and the distinct frameworks of spontaneous desire versus responsive desire.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Men more frequently experience spontaneous desire (instantly ready out of the blue), while women often experience responsive desire, which requires warmth, curiosity, and lead-up to activate.

A vital piece of anatomical education is that vaginal lubrication is a natural physiological preparation for penetration, but it does not automatically mean a woman is psychologically turned on or ready for sex.

To combat boredom and explore novelty safely, couples can utilise a "yes, no, maybe" list online or via social media to find creative, mutually comfortable ways to connect/ spice things up.

Rather than viewing it as a mere tool for performance, men naturally seek emotional connection through their sexuality; understanding the erotic nervous system is crucial for male emotional regulation and well-being.

BEST MOMENTS

"We are not dildos. We aren't meant to just be erect and expected to be ready to quote-on-quote perform. There is some lead-up and connection that is required."

"Women often find themselves bored in sex faster than men do... I find that it’s the sex that they're having is what they're bored with."

"A regulated man is safer than any weapon we sell in the name of protection, and I find that sex and regulation is very important to the betterment of men."

"Communication is lubrication."

ABOUT THE GUEST - Fran Frye – Sex Educator, Counsellor & Clinician