Ask Better Questions to Advocate for Your Aging Parent

How do you advocate for an aging parent while making sure their voice remains at the center of the conversation?

In this episode of Lighting the Path, guest Tara Shuler explores the conversations that come with supporting a parent through the later years of life. From healthcare appointments to family decisions, Tara shares ways to clarify goals, ask purposeful questions, and keep difficult discussions focused.

Drawing on her experience as a corporate trainer and personal caregiver for her mom, Tara discusses how to communicate with your parent, their healthcare team, and other people involved in their care. She encourages caregivers to begin with a clear understanding of what they hope to accomplish—and to ask questions that help everyone move toward that goal.

One simple practice she recommends is reviewing appointments with your parent by asking, "What did you hear?" and then, "What do you want?" These questions create space to understand both your parent's interpretation of the conversation and their wishes moving forward.

The episode also explores the role of siblings and other stakeholders. Rather than assuming you know what someone is thinking, Tara encourages asking questions to understand their perspective. She also offers tips for keeping conversations under control when emotions, competing priorities, or differing opinions threaten to pull them off course.

Tara Shuler is a corporate trainer, keynote speaker, author, and founder of ConvoControl, where she teaches communication skills to sales teams, leaders, and other professionals. Her book, Parenting A Parent: Controlling the Conversation Through the Role Reversal, draws on seven years of caring for her mother and applies her conversation framework to the challenges of supporting an aging parent. Her work helps caregivers approach difficult discussions about medical care, independence, finances, and family decisions.

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