S2#049 – "Once A Cheat, Always A Cheat" Actually True?

Once a cheat, always a cheat.

If you've been unfaithful, that sentence is probably going around and around in your head. Maybe you're asking it about yourself. Maybe someone else has said it to you. And I think rather than brushing it aside, we actually need to look at it. Because the truth is, and I'll be honest with you, in some cases, yes. If the pattern underneath the affair isn't addressed, it can happen again. And that's exactly what I want to talk about in this episode.

Because I had cheated on every single partner I had before my marriage. And when I first had to face that in a coaching session, I was mortified. I considered myself a good girl. I had morals. I judged people who cheated. And yet there it was staring at me in black and white.

So this episode is about why. Not the surface-level why - not "I was lonely" or "we'd grown apart." The real why. The pattern underneath. The part of us that is performing a version of herself she thinks is lovable, suppressing everything she actually needs, feeling dead inside, and then finding in an affair the first moment in years that she finally feels alive.

And more importantly, what it actually takes to break that pattern for good. Because understanding it isn't enough, and this is where so many women get stuck.

In this episode, we explore:

Why "once a cheat, always a cheat" deserves a real answer Why I cheated on every partner before my marriage and what I had to face about myselfHow we can't see the pattern we're inside until someone helps us take them offWhat performing the "perfect" version of yourself actually creates inside a relationship , and why it leads to feeling dead insideWhy the affair partner feels like finally being met, and what that feeling is really aboutThe difference between understanding a wound and actually healing it, and why this is where most women get stuckWhy traditional therapy can give you insight but not always transformationThe young, wounded parts running the show in our adult relationships, and what it means to finally meet themWhat changes when the pattern actually heals - what I notice in myself now that tells me I'm differentThe real answer to the question: no, once a cheat is not always a cheat, but only if you're willing to go to the level where the change actually lives

If this episode landed

If you recognised yourself in the performing. In the deadness. In the part of you that finally felt alive in the affair and couldn't understand why.

If you've been in therapy for years, you understand your patterns, and you're still scared you'll do it again.

The Sanctuary is my private community for women in the aftermath of an affair, where understanding the pattern starts to become breaking it. With me, and with a room full of women who are carrying exactly what you're carrying.

You don't have to figure this out alone.