Ep#224: Can You Still Cheat in an Open Relationship? with Mindy Glover

<p>Today I&#39;m sitting down with therapist and relationship coach Mindy Glover to talk about infidelity and open relationships. </p><p>We explore why infidelity causes such deep pain, the importance of clearly defining boundaries, and how assumptions can lead to misunderstandings. </p><p>Mindy introduces me to the concept of &quot;blue brain&quot; versus &quot;red brain&quot; decision-making, and explains why agreements are hard to maintain when we’re emotional or aroused. </p><p>We also discuss transparency in open relationships and how to heal after boundary violations. </p><p>Mindy shares a personal &quot;infidelity story&quot; exercise that couples can use to understand their triggers and build healthier, more authentic relationships.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>Mindy&#39;s Fascination with Infidelity (01:37)</strong></p><p>Mindy explains her lifelong fascination with infidelity, viewing it as a powerful, often deal-breaking force in relationships.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>Why Infidelity is a Deal Breaker (04:09)</strong></p><p>Infidelity shatters the illusion of security and the belief that you truly know your partner, causing immense pain.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>The Problem with Monogamy&#39;s Assumptions (07:06)</strong></p><p>Couples often assume they share the same definition of infidelity, which sets them up for misunderstanding and failure.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>How People Protect Themselves from Infidelity (08:42)</strong></p><p>Mindy discusses different strategies people use to avoid infidelity, including control, delusion, and exploring open relationships.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>Blue Brain vs. Red Brain in Relationships (11:06)</strong></p><p>Neuroscience explains how we make calm, logical decisions (blue brain) but different, aroused decisions (red brain), causing conflict.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>The Inevitability of Mistakes and Reporting Issues (14:08)</strong></p><p>Because of our &quot;red brain,&quot; mistakes are inevitable, leading to a &quot;reporting problem&quot; in open relationships due to shame.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>Honoring Individual Relationship Containers (17:18)</strong></p><p>The discussion explores the complexity of honoring privacy and boundaries within each separate relationship in a polyamorous dynamic.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>The Beauty and Challenge of Showing Different Parts of Yourself (20:38)</strong></p><p>Open relationships allow different parts of one&#39;s personality to emerge, which can be both beautiful and challenging for partners.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>The Concept of &quot;Poly Bypassing&quot; (24:42)</strong></p><p>Mindy introduces &quot;poly bypassing,&quot; where individuals suppress real feelings like jealousy to appear enlightened, similar to spiritual bypassing.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>How to Start the Conversation About Infidelity (27:00)</strong></p><p>Mindy suggests couples write their own &quot;infidelity story&quot; to understand their personal history, fears, and triggers around cheating.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>The Illusion of Control Through Rules (30:27)</strong></p><p>Couples create rules to feel in control, but the real issue is often the lack of prior agreement, not the act itself.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>Navigating Ruptures and Hurt Feelings (36:50)</strong></p><p>When hurt occurs, it&#39;s crucial to have tools and containers to vent, process, and lean into the conflict.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>Containing Your &quot;Parts&quot; (39:06)</strong></p><p>Instead of containing parts of yourself, Mindy suggests getting curious about them and understanding why they emerge.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>How Mindy Presents in Her Own Dating Life (42:04)</strong></p><p>Mindy explains she avoids leading with theories and instead focuses on showing up authentically and playfully in relationships.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>How to Connect with Mindy (44:42)</strong></p><p>Mindy shares her Instagram handle, website, and information about her therapy practic