#880: Relationship Tools That Work — Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Dr. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, and More on Conflict, Repair, and Lasting Love

This episode is devoted to one deceptively simple question: How do you stay close to your partner over time through the inevitable exhaustion, misunderstanding, conflict, disappointment, and change?

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Eight Sleep Pod Cover 5 with dual-zone temperature control, so each partner sleeps at their perfect temperatureIn this episode:

Esther Perel begins with the basics: appreciation, affection, and replacing chronic complaints with clear requests.Brené Brown explains why marriage is never 50/50 and how she and her husband create what Brené calls a “plan of kindness.” Brad Feld describes the monthly “life dinners” that have helped him and his wife review the previous 30 days, talk honestly about the future, and prevent resentments from building upJim Dethmer offers a practical way to distinguish observable facts from the stories we make up about our partners.Sheila Heen explains how humor and genuine curiosity can serve as an interrupt on an argument that is heating up The late Dr. Sue Johnson then walks us through a “Hold Me Tight” conversation—a way of moving beneath anger and defensiveness to the fear, vulnerability, and need for connection underneath.Terry Real then offers a strikingly simple model for repair and introduces the term “normal marital hatred” - as he put it, nobody ever goes up to him and says “What do you mean by that?!”Finally, Diana Chapman describes what it means to let an outdated version of a marriage end so that two people can consciously choose what comes next for their relationship.Timestamps:

Intro from Tim: 00:00:00

Esther Perel: 00:01:58

Brené Brown: 00:08:21

Brad Feld: 00:12:02

Jim Dethmer: 00:16:51

Shelia Heen: 00:23:04

Dr. Sue Johnson: 00:29:26

Terry Real: 00:40:14