Retiring as a Single Lesbian in Setúbal, Portugal: Finding Community Beyond Lisbon with Jules de Mello

Retiring as a Single Lesbian in Setúbal, Portugal: Finding Community Beyond Lisbon

Guest: Jules de Mello | Host: Mark Goldstein

When Jules de Mello retired after a 27-year career as a federal criminal investigator, she went looking for a sunny, walkable place near the water where she could build a full life on her own terms. Lisbon was the plan, until the rents priced her out. Then she discovered Setúbal, a working port city on the cusp of its own renaissance, and never looked back.

In this conversation, Jules opens up about what it really takes to retire as a single lesbian abroad: finding her people, and often building community from scratch, navigating a country that is warmly accepting but culturally reserved, and weighing the honest trade-offs of starting over solo in a place where you do not yet speak the language. It is a warm, practical, and refreshingly candid look at one of Portugal's most underrated cities.

Meet Jules

Jules spent 27 years as a federal criminal investigator across several U.S. agencies before retiring in 2022. With Azorean roots on her great-grandfather's side, Portugal had always called to her. She first scouted the country in 2018, arrived permanently in Setúbal in April 2023, and soon became a self-described "connector," co-founding the Setúbal Pride meetup to bring locals, women, trans, and non-binary folks together in a community that had mostly orbited Lisbon before.

In this episode

00:00 Introduction: from federal investigator to Setúbal04:02 The 2018 trip that planted the seed06:48 Priced out of Lisbon09:31 Renting vs. buying in Portugal13:41 What Setúbal is really like17:46 Climate and the seasons24:00 Building queer community and founding Setúbal Pride29:31 LGBTQ+ acceptance and local culture33:53 Cost of living: rent and housing44:55 Utilities, internet, and getting around48:30 Food, markets, and the daily lunch special55:16 Walkability and transportation1:06:06 Healthcare: public, private, and Medicare1:25:39 Dining, wine, and café culture1:31:14 Visas and residency1:39:18 Honest trade-offs and final advice

What you'll learn

Why Setúbal, and not Lisbon? A medium-sized port city of roughly 140,000 people, Setúbal sits on an estuary with the Arrábida Nature Reserve rising behind it. Jules compares the feel to standing at the water's edge in Seattle, looking back at the hills. Downtown is flat and walkable, the covered market is considered one of the best in Portugal, and you are a short drive or train ride from Lisbon without paying Lisbon prices.

What acceptance actually looks like. Portugal is legally progressive, with marriage equality and legal abortion that both predate the United States, but the culture is reserved and private. As Jules puts it, you can show up exactly as you are and be accepted, without anyone needing to label it or make a fuss. Older generations who lived under the dictatorship tend to be more guarded, while younger people simply do not think twice.

The reality of building community. Finding the LGBTQ+ community as a single woman took real effort. Jules and a friend started the Setúbal Pride meetup in early 2024, hosting tea dances, potlucks, film nights, and gatherings designed to be diverse and welcoming. Her honest take: lesbians and gay men often socialize differently, and the language and cultural barriers add another layer, so she had to become the initiator rather than wait for community to find her.