206. The Decision You Can't Optimise: Staying or Leaving After Betrayal

Stay or leave?

After betrayal, it can feel as though there must be a right answer.

So you do what you've probably done successfully with countless other important decisions.

You gather information. Weigh the options. Consider the risks.

What happens to the children? The finances? The house? What if they do it again? What if they've genuinely changed? What if you leave and regret it? What if you stay and waste another five years?

You create pros and cons lists. Run different scenarios. Have the same conversations repeatedly.

You're trying to optimise the decision.

To find the option most likely to produce the best possible outcome.

There's just one problem.

Most of the variables you need aren't actually knowable.

You can't produce a reliable five-year forecast for your marriage. You can't calculate the return on investment of a divorce. And there's no spreadsheet capable of telling you which choice will create the least pain three years from now.

In this final episode of the three-part series, I explore why trying to find the objectively best decision can keep you trapped — and what you might ask yourself instead.