251 - "Permission to Feel Pleasure": Sexuality, Disability & Desire

Vanessa Cushing, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, talks about sexuality, disability, and dating.

Healthy Sexuality Basics

Vanessa defines healthy sexuality as centered on connection over performance, requiring safety (freedom from coercion, STIs, unwanted pregnancy) and enthusiastic consent — knowing what you want, how to ask for it, and that it's safe to say no.

Disability & Sexual Erasure

People with disabilities are often desexualized because others see the disability rather than the whole person. Vanessa stresses that disabled people are inherently sexual beings (unless they identify as asexual) with the same desires and needs as anyone else, and deserve to have their sexuality acknowledged and even eroticized if they choose.

Asexuality

Asexuality means ambivalence toward or absence of sexual desire, distinct from disability — one doesn't cause the other. Asexual people can still have romantic/sexual relationships. Vanessa emphasizes accepting oneself without shame if desire is absent.

Building Sexual Self-Acceptance

Vanessa encourages self-affirming beliefs like "I am a sexual being," "I deserve pleasure," and giving oneself permission to feel pleasure — regardless of disability or how long one has suppressed these feelings.

Here are the affirmations Vanessa shares in the episode:

"I am a sexual being."

"I enjoy pleasure."