253 - Friendship Series: From Coworkers to Chosen Family

Continuing our Friendship Series, I chat with Karen Hoffman and Julie Baum, a married couple with decades of experience in human services. The episode focuses on friendship rather than dating, exploring our 30+ year friendship.

Backgrounds

Karen was introduced to disability services as a child through her father's work at a psych center post-deinstitutionalization. Julie entered human services in 1988 against her father's wishes. Both worked at the same disability services agency as Kathy in the early 1990s, where their friendship began.

First Impressions & Early Relationship

None of them clearly remember meeting each other, just a "crazy fun summer" together (around 1992-93). Julie recalled being struck by how intelligent and capable Kathy was, contrasting with lower expectations she'd previously held for people with disabilities. Karen's only nervousness was worrying she wouldn't understand Kathy's speech, though she quickly adjusted.

Communication & Aging

Julie noted parallels between communicating with Kathy and now caring for three aging parents with hearing loss, emphasizing patience as a universal skill.

Challenges in the Friendship

Julie shared genuine difficulty when Kathy moved an hour away to Syracuse, making regular contact harder. They see each other only about twice a year now.

Systemic Issues in Disability Services

Karen discussed isolation and lack of transportation as major barriers to friendship and dating for people with disabilities. She criticized how human services often frames disabled people as only needing support, rather than recognizing mutual, reciprocal relationships. Funding cuts to social/recreational programs (in favor of "goal-based" skill programs) have worsened isolation.

Assumptions & Adaptability