Socially Monogamous, Sexually Free with John & Jackie Melfi of OpenLove101

Pinecones, this week is a little different: a joint episode! I traveled to Houston to sit down with John and Jackie Melfi—leaders in the American swinger community, owners of the legendary Colette lifestyle clubs (Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, and New Orleans), and the couple behind OpenLove101.com, where I used to blog back in the day. Between them they've got three-plus decades of experience with non-monogamous marriage, swinging, and sexual freedom, and their studio team handled the filming, so you KNOW it looks good.

Full disclosure: John and Jackie and I don't agree on everything—the swinger world is a lot more politically diverse than the poly/ENM crowd—and that's kind of the point. This is what it looks like to connect across differences on the things that matter: autonomy, freedom, pleasure, joy, and integrity while pursuing all of the above.

In this episode:

Social monogamy vs. sexual monogamy—and why those "monogamous" birds are hiding a scandal in the nestIf we were naturally monogamous, we wouldn't need so many rulesHow John went from Star Trek nerd to lifestyle club owner (via one very inspiring night in Amsterdam)The high school double-date that turned into a marriage… three decades laterJackie's journey from strict monogamy to sexual empowerment—and the daily journaling that became OpenLove101Comets: the long-distance lovers (and friends!) you keep for years—and John's realization that he's been collecting them all alongWhy we need to stop fetishizing romantic relationships and start honoring romantic friendshipsMy marriage, my divorce-in-progress, and what happens when someone loves the idea of you more than the actual youThe childhood shame stories John and I both carry from first grade—and how shame rewrites our memoriesThe myth that you can't be sexually prolific AND wholesomeHow men can become givers in bed (step one: actually see women as people)The bartender who taught teenage John everything, bless herWhy "be a safe man" is the best sex advice there isThe spit-in-the-mouth trend, litigated at lastThe micro-flinch story: what real attunement looks like in bed

At the end of the episode, I share something personal: I lost a good friend to suicide this week. If you've been putting off a catch-up call with someone you love, make the call. And if you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988—or email me. We take care of each other around here.

FOLLOW JOHN & JACKIE:

Website & blog: OpenLove101.com

Instagram: @openlove101

YouTube: Openlove101

The Openlove101 Show: Listen on Spotify

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