AGENCY FIGHT: ON THE PQ (PLATNER QUESTION)

Well.

Technically, I am off Takes at the moment. But sometimes Opportunity knocks.

A friend of mine from The Agency (CIA? Fight.Agency? Barbizon? I will never tell) called me up this afternoon and asked me for my Take on the Platner Thing.

“You mean the Platner QUESTION?” I grinned. “What about it?”

“Poolhouse, I just know you’ll have… a take like none other,” she said. “If you were advising the campaign, what kinds of defenses would you be workshopping right now?”

“Now listen here, madame,” I replied. You should always rely on mid-Atlantic accents when you find yourself in a situation with spooks like this. “Before I go and give you free advice, just cuz you did me a favor that one time with whole the J6 charges thing, why don’t you answer me this: you have access to some of the best and brightest political minds in the country up there in the District Metro Area. Why are you calling me for this?”

She groaned. “The best and brightest are all retards now, Poolhouse. You know this.” I heard her light her cigarette, Marlboro Ultra Lights 100s if I had to guess, and take a drag. “Nobody can extract the Contrarian Take quite like you, or as fast as you do. Come on, do it for your country.”

I had no idea what she meant by that, but I tend to resort to default patriotism in these situations. I assume the drive to replace Susan Collins has something to do with Deep Magic warfare, but that’s none of my business. I am a simple American, eager to serve!

I began to unveil my white-hot nuclear takes, gigachad galaxy-brain levels of contrarianism, but my friend paused me.

“No, don’t tell me. You and I never spoke,” she cackled. “I literally do not know you, girl! You are nobody to me. Nothing.”

“Okay, okay, I get your point, gosh–”

“Don’t tell me,” she hissed again. “Tell them!” And then my Deep State gal pal hung up the phone.