529 | Managing Leadership Anxiety | Steve Cuss

On this episode: Nate updates on Allie. Aaron is glad to have a co-host. And they reflect on the importance of a listening ear over preaching.

This week A.I. makes the notes and sucks at punctuation and conversational language. (Also, the normal notes guy gets sassy, see below.) How do you like it? Send feedback to piratemonkpodcast@gmail.com

Steve Cuss joins Nate Larkin and Aaron Porter for a wide-ranging conversation about trauma care, leadership anxiety, and the unseen emotional patterns that shape families, teams, and ministries. Cuss draws on his years as a hospital chaplain and his work with Capable Life to show why naming anxiety matters, why reactivity spreads, and how judgment-free curiosity can lead to real change.In this episode, the hosts and Steve Cuss discuss: How Cuss went from Perth, Australia to hospital chaplaincy in Knoxville and eventually to leadership coaching in Colorado. What trauma and death taught him that Bible college and seminary could not. Why chaplaincy stripped away pithy theology and exposed the gap between head knowledge and lived faith. The difference between acute anxiety and chronic anxiety, and why chronic anxiety is often invisible. How reactivity functions like a contagious emotional field in families, teams, and institutions. Why childhood vows and hidden assumptions often live in the body, not just the mind. The role of nonjudgmental regard in helping people change without becoming defensive. Practical first steps for breaking reactivity patterns by noticing, naming, and tracing the recurring cycle. How leaders can stop offloading anxiety onto others and start taking responsibility for the tone they generate. Why curiosity, repentance, and respectful confrontation can change a relational system. Key Frameworks: Acute anxiety vs. chronic anxiety - Acute anxiety is a real-time response to actual danger. Chronic anxiety is a false-threat response that becomes automated and hidden. Reactivity - Cuss’s practical name for chronic anxiety, especially when it spreads through relationships and teams. Emotional fields / hula hoops - A metaphor for how anxiety moves between people and becomes contagious in close contact. Childhood vows - Subconscious agreements formed early in life to avoid pain, which later become limiting beliefs. Notice, then name - The first move toward change is to identify what is happening instead of explaining it away. Notable Quotes: Copy (AI calling from CB) “The great gift of chaplaincy is it forces you to survive by being a human being.” Copy (10-4 good buddy) “Reactivity plus power is catalytic.” Copy (Breaker Breaker) “I need a somatic solution.” Action Items (business meeting jargon): Notice one recurring reactive pattern in your home, staff, or marriage this week. Ask whether your response is for the other person or for self-soothing. Name the pattern out loud instead of treating it as “just the way things are” Before advising, pause and ask what curiosity or compassion would look likeReduce the emotional “hula hoop” you bring home from work or conflict

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