#132: Stop Getting Defensive: The One Trait That Separates Women Who Grow From Women Who Stall

You can’t change a pattern you’re constantly defending. And if your first instinct is to push back when someone gives you feedback, that habit may be keeping you from getting what you actually want.

Defensiveness can feel automatic, but it isn’t a fixed trait. On this episode of Ready for Love, host Hilary Silver draws on twenty-five years as a therapist and more than a decade coaching thousands of women to explain why being willing to hear feedback, take it in, and actually do something with it can change the trajectory of your relationships, career, and life.

Hilary calls that skill coachability, and she breaks it down into four shifts. Stop needing to already have the answer. See coaching as a sign that you’re serious about getting better, much like elite athletes who continue working with coaches at the top of their game. Practice feedback repeatedly until the new behavior becomes instinct, a lesson Hilary learned firsthand on the pickleball court. And resist the temptation to cherry-pick the advice you like while dismissing the parts that make you uncomfortable, something Hilary admits nearly kept her own business from reaching its potential.

Because hearing feedback is one thing. Being willing to let it change you is another.

Where is defensiveness keeping you stuck in a pattern that isn’t working anymore?

Episode Highlights

Why defensiveness is old programming, not a fixed trait

Letting go of the need to have every answer

The "Olympic athlete" comment that reframed coaching

What a year of pickleball taught Hilary about coachability

The "yeah, but" trap that kept her stuck in business

Episode Breakdown: