Gates, Not Thorns: Are Your Boundaries a Prison?

Support Steven's work. Treat him to a coffee stevenwebb.uk

Are your boundaries keeping you safe, or keeping you stuck? I have never liked the word. This week a reader called Katherine gave me a better one: gates, not thorns.

I have carers in my life 24 hours a day, so I could not build walls even if I wanted to. I had to grow the strength to let the world in instead, and that is where I stand on boundaries. A red line between two people is healthy. It is an agreement, not a wall. A rulebook the whole world has to obey is not, and the old Buddhist texts do not even have a word for it. What they have is sila, your own conduct. Rules for you, and nobody else. A boundary that never comes down was never protection. It becomes a prison.

One thing to try: Next time you go to defend something, ask one question. Is this a gate or a thorn? Protecting something tender until it is stronger is fine. Refusing the world is not.

In this episode(0:32) Katherine's email: a garden, not thorny bushes(1:44) Come, even if you have broken your vow a thousand times(3:35) Carers in my life 24 hours a day(6:16) If you want to learn calm, spend time with your family(7:11) A healthy boundary: not my best today, so I close the gate(8:13) Red lines between two people are different(12:00) The Buddhists had no word for boundaries. They had sila(15:26) Life will not honour your bubble(16:21) A boundary that never comes down becomes a prison(17:44) Where in your life has a wall quietly become a prison?

With gratitude toCheryl, Susan, Jane, Ankita, Dan, Cassie, Melanie, Joan and Reishin

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.ukSteven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk