E 383: When Loving Your Parents Hurts: Boundaries, Guilt & Going No Contact with Dr. Sharon Martin

What do you do when the relationship you're desperately trying to save is with the very people who hurt you in the first place?

Maybe you've tried communicating differently. You've forgiven. You've set boundaries. You've gone to therapy. You've given another chance—and then another.

But nothing really changes.

And when you finally consider stepping back, limiting contact, or even going no contact with a parent, the guilt begins:

Am I a bad daughter? Am I a bad son? What if I regret this? They're still my parents...shouldn't I keep trying?

In this powerful episode of the Adult Child of Dysfunction Podcast, I sit down with psychotherapist and author Dr. Sharon Martin, who has more than 25 years of experience helping adult children navigate dysfunctional family relationships. Sharon is the author of Cutting Ties with Your Parents and The Better Boundaries Workbook.

And I want to make something clear: this conversation isn't about telling you to cut off your parents.

It's about recognizing what you can control—and what you can't.

Sharon explains why family estrangement is rarely as simple as people make it sound. For many adult children, there's a gray area: periods of low contact, reconnecting, trying again, pulling back, or taking space while figuring out what they actually need.

We also explore why it can be so incredibly difficult to let go of the hope that someday your parent will finally see you, understand you, accept you, or give you the love and approval you've spent a lifetime wanting.

Even in adulthood, that longing can remain incredibly powerful. And when we didn't receive those things from our parents, we may find ourselves continuing to seek them—not only from our family, but in other relationships as well.

Dr. Martin and I talk about boundaries, guilt, shame, family roles, emotional abuse, gaslighting, people-pleasing, self-trust, grief, and the complicated decision to create distance from a dysfunctional parent.