You are not here to fix anyone

Hi friend,

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, if I could just get my spouse to communicate better. If I could just get my child to make better choices. If I could just get my boss to appreciate me. If I could just get my parents to understand me.

We spend so much of our lives trying to improve and change the people around us. But what if that was never our job?

Here is something I want you to sit with. People do not become rescuers because they are controlling. They become rescuers because somewhere along the way they learned that if the people around them are okay, then they will finally feel okay. Sometimes it starts in childhood. Sometimes in people pleasing, and I know that one well. Sometimes in perfectionism. Most of the time, in trauma.

Fixing others becomes a way to create safety.

Ego asks one question. Your soul asks another.

The ego says, if they change, then I will finally be happy. If they heal, then I will feel peaceful. If they become who I need them to be, then everything will be okay.

That is chasing. You are waiting on a future version of someone else before you let yourself have peace.

Your soul is not asking how do I fix them. Your soul is asking, what am I here to learn through this relationship?

That is a radically different question. Because suddenly the difficult spouse, the anxious child, the critical parent, the demanding boss, they become teachers instead of problems.

Peel. Feel. Heal.

Instead of asking why are they like this, ask what is this bringing up in me.