103: Living a Double Life as an Undercover Cop

Matt Griffin shares his story of spending more than two decades in the U.S. Navy and law enforcement and the experiences that would eventually change the course of his life. Early in his career as a police officer, Matt responded to the accidental death of his friend’s two-year-old son and was left carrying guilt over the belief that he should have gotten there sooner. As he continued his career, he became an undercover officer during the height of the opioid epidemic, immersing himself in a world that became increasingly difficult to separate from his life at home. Years of unprocessed trauma, drinking, the breakdown of his marriage, and the loss of a fellow officer and close friend to suicide eventually brought Matt to a point where he no longer wanted to live.

On March 17, 2017, Matt wrote a suicide note and planned to take his own life at midnight. Less than an hour before, an unexpected phone call from a friend changed what happened that night, and Matt began making the decision to get through life one day at a time. He opens up about rebuilding after divorce, homelessness, and suicidal thoughts, his complicated relationship with alcohol, and the years he spent trying to become the person he was before everything happened. More recently, Matt traveled to Mexico for Ibogaine treatment as part of his continued search for healing and shares what that experience was like, why he no longer believes healing means getting his old self back, and how he is learning to build a life where what happened to him is part of his story without becoming all of it.

Matt’s Links:

https://www.instagram.com/authormatthewgriffin

https://www.matthewagriffin.com

Matt’s Book - The Journey to Midnight

https://a.co/d/0aU4gl7R

Resources:

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

988

Beyond the Monsters Socials:

https://www.instagram.com/beyondthemonsters