Why You Can See the Pattern and Still Not Change It

You know the pattern. You can see yourself doing it. You may even know exactly why you're doing it.

So why can't you just stop?

In this episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, Ann Kaplan explores the uncomfortable space between self-awareness and actual behavior change.

Sometimes growth doesn't look like improvement yet. Sometimes it looks like noticing yourself yelling, people-pleasing, over-functioning, controlling, or repeating an old relationship dynamic… and feeling completely frustrated that you're still doing it.

But that awareness matters.

Ann breaks down how observation creates the distance we need for future choice, how this connects to Internal Family Systems and the Enneagram, and why the "goo" stage of transformation can feel so discouraging even when something important is happening underneath.

If you've been thinking, I know better, so why am I not doing better? — this episode is for you.

In this episode: Why awareness comes before agency

How behavioral patterns actually begin to change

The difference between noticing a pattern and being able to stop it

IFS, self-observation, and creating distance from your parts

The Enneagram and waking up to automatic patterns