Episode 114: Rethinking the Mental Load & Teaching Kids to “Notice and Do” with Sam Kelly

What if we stopped waiting to be asked and started teaching our kids to notice what needs to be done? In this episode, Rachael sits down with therapist-turned-feminist coach Sam Kelly to talk about the mental load, gender norms, family dynamics, and her “notice and do” philosophy for creating more equitable homes.

Together, they unpack why the mental load is a whole-family issue and how parents can teach children to recognize needs and take action without constantly being reminded. Sam also shares practical strategies for building independence through routines, visual cues, and scripts, including ways to adapt these ideas for neurodivergent children and adults.

Inside this episode:

What “notice and do” means and where the idea came from

Why the mental load is a whole-family issue

How gender norms and cultural conditioning shape household responsibilities

Teaching kids to notice what needs to be done without being asked

Practical strategies for building independence through routines, visual cues, and scripts

Creating a more equitable division of household responsibilities

Adapting “notice and do” for neurodivergent children and adults

Helping kids navigate multi-step tasks and attention challenges

How sharing the mental load can reduce burnout