Dr Dougal Sutherland: Belonging Matters - How to Build Strong Relationships

This week is Mental Health Awareness week and the theme is Belonging – how to foster deeper connections with others.

Strong relationships help reduce stress, increase positive emotions, strengthen our sense of purpose, and improve self-worth. Research shows that people with stronger social connections tend to live longer and enjoy better mental and physical health

The opposite is true for when we’re disconnected or lonely – a 2023 report from the US Surgeon General found that loneliness is worse for our physical health than smoking 15 cigarettes per day*.

It’s not about how many people you know, healthy social connections have three dimensions:

Structure is about how many people are in our lives and how often we interact with them. Function is about the support those relationships provide, whether that's practical help, emotional support, advice, encouragement, or a sense of inclusion. Quality is about how those relationships make us feel. Do we experience trust, acceptance, respect, and care? Or do we experience criticism, tension, or disconnection? This distinction is important because someone can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. Conversely, someone with only a handful of close relationships may feel deeply connected, supported, and valued.

Loneliness can affect anyone, but research suggests it occurs in a U-shaped pattern, being more common among young adults and older adults compared to people in their middle age.

There are many barriers that can make connection difficult.

Sometimes it's lack of time. Work commitments, caring responsibilities, long commutes, and financial pressures can leave little energy for relationships. Sometimes it's life transitions such as moving to a new city, changing jobs, retirement, separation, bereavement, or changes in health. For some people, anxiety, fear of rejection, or previous negative experiences can make it harder to reach out. And for others, barriers such as disability, transport limitations, discrimination, or cultural differences can make social participation more challenging. One useful exercise is to do a relationship audit. Just as we occasionally review our physical health, we can also review our social health. Ask yourself:

Who do I spend time with regularly? Which relationships energise me? Which relationships feel supportive and reciprocal? Who have I lost touch with? Who would I like to know better or reconnect with? Once you’ve reflected on those questions, focus on stren