Where Have All the Tops Gone? The Truth About Gay Sex’s Biggest “Shortage EP 789

Is the gay community really running out of tops—or have our expectations become so specific that the tops who are available no longer seem to count?

In this episode of TAGSPODCAST, Host Steve V and Co-host Kodi Maurice Doggette investigate the supposedly very real “top shortage.” New research suggests younger gay men are far more likely to identify as bottoms, while the percentage of self-identified tops increases among men in their thirties and forties. Does sexual preference naturally evolve as we age, or are younger men simply more comfortable admitting that they enjoy bottoming?

The conversation also turns to the pressure placed on tops during hookups. They are expected to get hard immediately, stay hard, take control, perform confidently, last the appropriate amount of time, and somehow satisfy every fantasy presented to them. When nerves, chemistry, condoms, unfamiliar surroundings, or performance anxiety enter the picture, even someone who enjoys topping can suddenly find himself trapped inside his own head.

Steve and Kodi discuss why a man may be able to top comfortably with a trusted partner but struggle during a casual encounter, whether connection makes us better lovers, and why losing an erection should not automatically mean that the sex—or the top—has failed.

Plus: Are gay men truly looking for tops, or are they searching for a very particular fantasy involving age, masculinity, dominance, body type, penis size, proximity, availability, and the ability to host? Are apps creating a shortage—or merely making our increasingly narrow preferences more visible?

The guys also explore how firmly identifying as a top, bottom, or vers can turn a sexual preference into a demanding identity. Perhaps the solution is not producing more tops, but loosening the labels, communicating more honestly, and remembering that penetration is only one part of great gay sex.