Dude, I'm Not A Failure As A Husband (Shame Podcast Series)

I recently received a comment on my podcast about shame.

"Dude, I'm not a failure as a Husband.  It's her avoidance."

What if you know you are a good husband? What if you know you deserve affection, intimacy, and emotional connection? Can shame still be affecting your marriage?

Yes, because shame does not always sound like “I am a failure.” Sometimes it shows up through self-abandonment.

In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, Bruce Abbott looks at a common pattern in anxious attachment. You may know your wife's avoidant behavior is not your fault, yet still spend huge amounts of energy trying to convince her that your needs matter.

You explain more. You try harder. You become more careful. You give more space. You initiate more connection. You keep searching for the right words that will finally make your wife understand.

Eventually, you get angry.

That anger may be valid. Your marriage may have real problems. But there is another question worth asking:

If I truly know my worth, why am I working this hard to convince somebody else that my needs matter?

This episode explores anxious attachment, dismissive avoidant relationships, hidden contracts, boundaries, anger, chasing, protest behavior, and self-abandonment.

Becoming secure does not mean ignoring your wife's behavior or accepting an unhappy marriage. It means learning to separate what belongs to her from what belongs to you.

Her avoidance belongs to her. Your chasing belongs to you.