Why Some Men Obsess Over Understanding Their Ex

Your wife wants a divorce.

She's cold. She won't talk. Maybe she refuses counseling. Maybe she's blaming you for everything that went wrong.

And your brain has decided there's one thing you need to do:

Figure her out.

Why is she doing this? What happened to the woman you married? What could you say that would finally make her understand?

In this episode, Tara is joined by divorce coach Rachael Sloan to talk about why men can become hyperfocused on their wife or ex during an unwanted divorce... and why understanding her usually isn't what gets you unstuck.

Because when your nervous system believes your relationship, family, identity, or future is under threat, your brain does what it was designed to do: It finds the threat and locks onto it. And sometimes, that threat becomes her.

They get into:

Why knowing intellectually that you can't control her often changes absolutely nothing

How survival mode creates tunnel vision during divorce

Codependence vs. hyper-independence vs. actual interdependence

Why becoming cold and detached isn't necessarily the same thing as becoming regulated