515: Ask David-When Negative Thoughts Won't Stop

Episode 515: Ask David

Parenting Meltdowns, Real-Time TEAM-CBT, and When Negative Thoughts Won't Stop What do you do when your child has a public meltdown—and you feel your own frustration rising just as quickly?

And what if your mind feels so overwhelmed with anxious or depressive thoughts that completing a Daily Mood Log seems impossible?

In this Ask David episode, Dr. David Burns is joined by host Kevin Cornelius, LMFT, and Psychiatrist/TEAM-CBT therapist Dr. Matt May to answer two thoughtful listener questions that many parents and therapy enthusiasts will recognize. Together, they demonstrate TEAM-CBT techniques live, showing not only what to do, but how to think differently in the moment.

Along the way, they explore why changing your relationship with your own thoughts is often more important than trying to control other people's behavior.

In This Episode Question 1: How Do I Use TEAM-CBT in Real Time When My Child Has a Meltdown? A listener describes taking his two young sons to the driving range when one child suddenly wants to leave while the other wants to stay. As frustration mounts, so do the automatic thoughts:

"He's being a brat." "He's too immature for this." "He's ungrateful and whines all the time." Although the listener can challenge these thoughts later using a Daily Mood Log, he wonders:

How can I use TEAM-CBT in the middle of an emotionally charged parenting moment?

David, Kevin, and Matt explore this question through several live demonstrations.

Topics Include: Why self-compassion comes before effective parenting The danger of "should" statements directed at yourself How beating yourself up actually makes it harder to respond compassionately Why practice outside emotional moments prepares you for success inside emotional moments Accepting your own imperfections as a parent Matt demonstrates how to respond to his own inner critic using Externalization of Voices, replacing self-criticism with realistic self-acceptance instead of perfectionism.

Challenging "Shoulds" About Other People The conversation then shifts to another common trap: Trying to make other people different than they are.

Together they examine several automatic thoughts parents commonly experience: