Revisited: Why Relationships Are the Secret to a Long, Happy Life with Psychotherapist Esther Perel

Hello from Team Simon! We’re taking a few weeks off and will be back with brand-new episodes of A Bit of Optimism on Tuesday, October 27.

Until then, we’re revisiting some of our favorite conversations, including this one with a longtime friend of Simon’s: Esther Perel.

For most of history, we stayed in marriages and jobs because we had to. Happiness was a nice bonus. Today we get to choose who we love and where we work, so happiness has become the glue that holds it all together.

Few people have watched that shift as closely as Esther Perel. For four decades, she’s seen how love, family and work have been reshaped by no-fault divorce, the internet, and now AI. Her conclusion hasn’t changed: the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. It’s a line she first said out loud years ago, in a WHY Discovery session with Simon.

Esther is a psychotherapist, the bestselling author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, and the host of the podcast Where Should We Begin? Her card game “Where Should We Begin? At Work,” is built to spark real conversations between colleagues.

In this conversation, Esther and Simon talk about why one partner can’t be our whole village, what kids lose when they stop playing in the street, and why an entry-level job may be the last great playground. Simon also shares a personal update: how he made peace with the question, "Why haven’t you been married?"

In this episode you'll learn:

➡️ Why happiness went from a perk to the glue, in love and at work

➡️ The “relationship CV” everyone brings to work (+ how it shapes the way you handle conflict and authority)

➡️ Why we’re asking one person to give us what a whole village used to

➡️ How frictionless apps are changing what we expect from each other

➡️ Why entry-level jobs are the best place to scrape your knees