E 386: Tammy's Takes #53: When You Know Better, You Can Choose Better: Stop Blaming Your Younger Self

Have you ever looked back at a younger version of yourself and thought, Why did I put up with that? Why didn't I say something? Why did I keep trying so hard to make everyone happy?

In this Tammy’s Take, Tammy explores an idea that came out of her conversation with Renae Linsom: when you know better, you can do better.

For adult children of dysfunction, it's easy to look backward with everything we know today and judge the choices we made years—or even decades—ago. But the truth is, that younger version of you didn't have the knowledge, tools, or awareness you have now.

You weren't consciously choosing people-pleasing, hypervigilance, staying quiet, or taking responsibility for everyone else's emotions. You were adapting to the environment you were in. The problem is that sometimes the environment changes, but the patterns follow us into adulthood. renae linsom follow up renae linsom follow up

Tammy explains why awareness can take us in two very different directions. We can use it to beat ourselves up for what we didn't know—or we can get curious and ask, “Now that I see this, what do I want to do differently?” renae linsom follow up

And changing a lifelong pattern doesn't have to mean changing everything overnight. Sometimes it starts with waiting five seconds before trying to fix someone's feelings, saying “Let me think about that and get back to you” instead of automatically saying yes, or simply making one small choice that honors you. renae linsom follow up

Tammy also gives you one simple practice to try tomorrow morning:

Before you pick up your phone or start taking care of everyone else, ask yourself: “What is one thing I could do today that would make me feel 1% better?”

Not completely healed. Not completely different. Just 1% better. renae linsom follow up

Because healing doesn't have to happen in one giant transformation. Sometimes it begins with recognizing an old pattern and making one tiny different choice.

If you're beginning to recognize your own patterns but aren't sure how to change them, Tammy invites you to book a complimentary Clarity & Calm Call to explore what's showing up and identify one small step that can begin moving you forward.