To School or Not to School: A Decision Making Framework for Parents of PDA Children and Teens | Ep. 182

Should my PDA child stay in the public school system, move to a private school, or homeschool? There is no single answer, and this episode is not going to give you one. What it is going to give you is a framework for making the decision that fits your child, your constraints, and this specific season of your family.

In this episode I walk through all five characteristics of PDA as they play out in a school or home setting, then move into the three schooling scenarios I see families navigate most: staying in the public school system and advocating for accommodations, finding a private school that is structurally more aligned with a PDA nervous system, and pulling your child out entirely to unschool, deschool, or homeschool. For each one I share what to watch for, what has worked for the families I have coached, and how to use the cost-benefit framework to make and hold a decision even when it is hard.

Key Takeaways

Why Traditional School Is Structurally Activating and What That Looks Like | 00:01:42 Traditional schools are designed to standardize: every child doing the same thing at the same time in the same way. For a PDA nervous system, that structure produces continuous perceived losses of autonomy, and the behavioral expression of that activation, whether it is equalizing behavior in the classroom or a collapse at home after a day of masking, is what most families are already living with when they find me. What I want parents to understand is that the equalizing and collapse is not defiance. It is not willfulness. It is a nervous system doing exactly what it is wired to do when it perceives repeated losses of autonomy and equality.

Advocating in the Public School System: Be Strategic, Not Educational | 00:33:27 When advocating for a PDA child in a US public school, leading with the PDA label rarely works. I give families permission to describe their child as high functioning autistic with severe anxiety or a nervous system disability, using language that the people in the room already have a framework for. From there, the most effective tool is the PLATO nonviolent communication framework: making one specific, granular request that includes a person, location, action, time, and object, so the school can only say yes, no, or propose an alternative. Each answer is data, not a defeat.

What to Look for in a Private School and Which Models Have Worked | 00:42:38 The question I ask every private school when evaluating fit is: does every child have to do th