Is Watching Inappropriate Media Cheating? Here’s What You Need to Know

If you searched “is watching inappropriate media cheating” you’re probably looking for clarity. For a woman who has just discovered what her husband has been secretly doing with his time, it feels like a betrayal because it is. It’s a betrayal if her husband is sharing his energy, attention, and loyalty with other women (thousands of them online). This episode is a two-part conversation with experts from the National Center on Sexual Exploitation.

This article answers the question: is watching inappropriate media cheating? But it also answers the question underneath it: “Why does my husband’s use of inappropriate media hurt me so much… even if apparently all men do it.”

QUICK ANSWER: IS WATCHING INAPPROPRIATE MEDIA CHEATING?

In marriage, yes. Because it meets the basic definition of cheating: He is engaging in sexual activities and directing sexual energy toward other people, often in secret, while expecting ongoing intimate access to his wife’s trust, body, and partnership.

And your gut response to think that he’s cheating is logical. In fact, it’s how most women feel. I’ve interviewed over 200 women who told me how terrible it felt to find out about all his lies, including his lies about how he’s been spending his time online. Over the last almost two decades, my team has helped over 8,000 women thrive after betrayal. So here’s what we know:

IS WATCHING INAPPROPRIATE MEDIA CHEATING? YES, HERE’S WHY

Below is the “wife-brain” list, the one that finally puts words to what you already know.

1) CHEATING IS NOT LIMITED TO PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH ANOTHER PERSON

If your husband is pursuing stimulation from searching for and viewing other women online, he’s still directing intimate attention outside the marriage. He may argue “that it doesn’t mean anything” because there’s no physical contact.

But your marriage is real and your natural reaction to his choice to pursue arousal with other women is healthy and real.

2) IT’S ALMOST ALWAYS BUILT ON SECRECY AND SECRECY IS BETRAYAL

I interviewed Christen Price, an attorney at The NCOSE and we talked about how the strongest tactic of coercive control is lying to maintain power and a preferred narrative.