How Can a Good Person Have an Affair? With Kristina Joy

How can someone who sees herself as a good person—a loving wife, devoted mother, woman of faith—have an affair?

And how can she keep going back when she knows what she's doing is wrong?

Those questions can be almost impossible to understand from the betrayed side of infidelity. We look at the choices our partner made and think, I would never do that. If you knew it was wrong, why didn't you just stop?

My guest Kristina Joy knows exactly what that feels like from the other side.

Kristina spent years living a life that didn't feel like her. Her affair didn't begin with a conscious decision to blow up her marriage. It developed through a series of choices that were easy to rationalize at the time—until secrecy, shame, unmet needs, self-deception, and a relationship that made her feel alive had become something she couldn't seem to simply walk away from.

In this incredibly honest conversation, Kristina takes us inside that experience.

We talk about what it means to feel stuck in an affair, why willpower isn't always enough to get out, how otherwise good people rationalize choices that conflict with their values, and the shame that can keep the unfaithful partner isolated long after they know they need help.

Kristina also talks candidly about something betrayed partners rarely get to hear about: grieving the affair partner after the affair ends.

Understanding any of this does not mean excusing infidelity.

But if you're trying to understand how someone you believed was a good person could make choices that caused so much damage, this conversation offers a perspective we don't hear nearly enough.

Top 3 Takeaways

Affairs don't always begin with one enormous decision.