#20: 'Which Option Is Going to Bring Me the Biggest Joy?'

Debbie from Scotland spent more than 24 years in social work, built a family, moved countries and made some enormous life decisions along the way. Yet some of the most important changes in her life began with a question many of us rarely consider asking: Which option is going to bring me the biggest joy?

For Debbie, choosing joy doesn't mean pretending difficult things aren't happening or expecting ourselves to feel happy all the time. It means learning to listen to ourselves, recognize what we truly want, and trust that we can handle what happens once we've made up our minds.

This approach to life has helped Debbie navigate everything from relationships and motherhood to leaving a longtime career and building her own business.

In this episode, I talk with Debbie about the difference between happiness and joy, why certainty can be so attractive when we're afraid of the unknown, and how we can strengthen our trust in ourselves through surprisingly small everyday choices.

Debbie shares how years of caring for other people eventually left her struggling to answer a basic question from her own life coach: What do you actually want? Relearning how to answer that question became part of a much larger journey toward understanding her own worth, setting boundaries, and giving herself permission to pursue a fulfilling life.

We also talk about why other people's advice — even when it comes from people who genuinely love us — is inevitably filtered through their own experiences. Debbie explains why she now tries to establish her own opinion first, then invites outside perspectives without automatically surrendering her point of view.

Debbie reminds us that we can all experience simple joy without a lot of extra effort: noticing the warmth of a cup of tea, smiling at somebody we pass, picking up a piece of trash, or simply asking ourselves what we genuinely want in this particular moment.

In this episode, we explore:

Why Debbie distinguishes between externally driven happiness and an internal sense of joy

How fear of uncertainty prevents us from trusting ourselves

Why many women become disconnected from their own wants while caring for families, careers and everyone around them

How tiny choices — even coffee versus tea or sweet versus savory — can help us practice listening to ourselves