Working with Couples and Addiction Through the Lens of Attachment in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

In this episode, Kara speaks about her work with couples who are struggling with addiction. She discussed obtaining a family systems training in a couples and family clinic in Montreal, and then moving to an outpatient clinic in Vancouver for individual’s struggling with addiction. She explained that many of the clients wanted to bring in their partner and/or family members, so she turned to the research to learn about treatment with couples with addiction. She found that most of the research was on a behavioral approaches, but not on the approach she was using, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, until she came upon a theoretical extension that had been proposed using EFT. She decided to go back to school and get her PhD, and do research on the use of EFT with couples in the context of substance use and addictions. She shared that colleagues expressed concerned about whether it was ethical to work with couples and addiction, and she explained that this perspective often coming from behavioral models of addiction, rather than looking at attention through the lens of attachment. She discussed how people don’t set out to become addicted, but usually use substances to manage suffering or pain, and by strengthening the attachment relationship, it can lessen the dependence on the substance. Through her research, she found that there needs to be some level of stability around the substance use for the couples work to make sense because the individual(s) need to be functioning to engage in couples work. There also needs to be some core connection that is worth working on, which through the work, can lessen the distress and even the hyperfocus on the addiction. She explained that all of the couples she worked with in the study were in early recovery. She shared that when there was a partner who wasn’t addicted, they were often having an inner conflict, having been told to not be codependent, to detach, but at the same time to love their partner, seeing them as more than an addiction. She discussed how Sue Johnson, Ph.D. discussed dependency, and how we have to have "effective dependence" in relationship, rather than dependence being synonymous with codependency. Learning how to depend on another in a healthy way, that is functional rather than having someone else take over for you. She shared that starting with the relationship, and helping that be solid, can then even be a resource for the person to go off and take steps in their individual life. She shared the