Butterflies or Red Flags: How to Tell the Difference with Laura Berman

Butterflies or Red Flags: How to Tell the Difference with Laura Berman

You meet someone and the chemistry is immediate. You can’t stop thinking about them. You’re checking your phone, rereading texts, analyzing what they said, and wondering when you’ll hear from them again.

It feels exciting. Maybe even a little intoxicating.

But is that chemistry? Or is your nervous system getting activated by something that feels very familiar?

In this Language of Love Bite, I’m talking about one of the easiest mistakes to make in dating: assuming that the intensity we feel around someone tells us something about how right they are for us.

Sometimes butterflies really are excitement and attraction. But sometimes what feels like incredible chemistry is uncertainty, anxiety, or an old attachment pattern getting stirred up. And that may also explain why a kind, consistent, emotionally available person can initially feel a little... boring.

So how do you tell the difference?

I’ll show you how to pay attention to what happens after the date, not just during it. Do you leave feeling grounded, open, and more like yourself? Or do you leave preoccupied, anxious, and trying to figure out where you stand?

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why butterflies aren't necessarily evidence that someone is right for you

How uncertainty can create an incredibly powerful sense of attraction

Why emotionally available people can feel less exciting when you’re accustomed to relational unpredictability