What prevents us from being loved

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Everyone wants to be loved for who they are. But here is a problem: Often, what we call “who I am” is exactly what prevents other people from loving us. Without realizing it, we often develop qualities and patterns of behavior that push others away, while at the same time becoming more and more attached to them as part of our identity. We then have a problem: we want to be loved for something that is not actually who we are.

Everyone aspires from being loved. This is not just something we are taught but an intrinsic need of the soul. There is, however, something that gets in the way of obtaining this love we aspire for, and that’s our ego.

Everyone wants to be loved for whom he or she is. There, however, a very perverse mechanism active here: frequently, what we think we are, or what we identify with is not what we really are, and this often ruins everything.

Ultimately, as souls, we are full of bliss, knowledge and eternity. This also includes qualities like beauty, wealth, etc. Kṛṣṇa has 64 principal qualities, and most of them also manifest in the individual soul. In our original nature, we have peacefulness, simplicity, control of the senses, equilibrium of the mind, equality, forbearance, placidity, knowledge, detachment, opulence, memory, luster, patience, kind-heartedness, etc. The list is long.

It is said that pure devotees are loved by everyone. Why? Because they directly exhibit these qualities, being connected with their original nature as souls. Sometimes a pure devotee may be envied by a materialist, especially when he or she tries to spread Kṛṣṇa consciousness, but these are exceptions.

More than that, the transcendental qualities of a pure devotee attract other pure devotees and Kṛṣṇa Himself. In truth, Kṛṣṇa loves everyone, and He maintains everyone, even materialists. There is, however, a difference between Kṛṣṇa’s love as the maintainer and the personal relationship with Him that pure devotees attain. This also explains why pure devotees often show disinterest in ordinary relationships: they stop depending on mundane relationships for fulfillment because they are already connected with the Supreme Person, the source of all relationships.

What prevents us from also exhibiting the same qualities? That’s our contaminated material nature and the false ego that makes us identify wit