ADHD and narcissism: Why you keep getting called selfish

Ever been called selfish or a narcissist when you were trying your best? Some ADHD behaviors can look like narcissism from the outside: Interrupting, forgetting an important date, missing social cues, or talking at length about something you’re hyperfocused on can make it seem like you don’t care. But the behavior and the intention don’t always match.

Licensed psychologist Dr. J explains what narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, actually is, and why diagnosing it takes a full clinical evaluation, not an online checklist. Research suggests that for many adults with ADHD, the feeling of empathy is there, but executive function challenges can make it harder to show.

Dr. J also covers what to do if someone calls you a narcissist: how to pause, ask yourself honest questions, and take real feedback seriously without accepting a label that doesn’t fit. Intentions don’t erase impact, and accountability isn’t the same as shame.

For more on this topic

Listen: ADHD and autism: Do I have AuDHD?Watch: ADHD and avoidance: Why you resist things you actually want to doFor a transcript and more resources, visit The ADHD Channel for Women on Understood.org. You can also email us at podcast@understood.org.

Getting your child the support they need at school shouldn’t feel like a fight. But for millions of families, it does. In Zero Reject, an investigative podcast from Understood.org, award-winning journalist Anya Kamenetz looks at how changing federal policies are reshaping special education — and what’s at stake for families trying to access the support their children are legally entitled to. Start listening now.

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