Hard Won Happiness

Welcome to The Nuance Diaries! Unfiltered alchemy from your most unhinged group chat. Consider my vulnerability a permission slip for yours.

If you’re new here, maybe check this out?

If you’re an old timer, maybe this is the week you upgrade your subscription?

Okay, let’s dive in!

I’ve been pretty happy this summer. How the hell did that happen?

I recently reminisced with my therapist about a magazine cover I must have seen a decade ago or more, talking about an actress and her ‘hard won happiness.’

I loved this phrase so much that I included it in the introduction of my book.

That phrase always stuck with me. At the time, I probably didn’t have the self-awareness to admit I was far from truly happy. I did know that I liked the idea of describing happiness as “hard-won.” Those two words made me feel instantly seen and validated, as someone who used to secretly roll her eyes when people talked about waking up happy in the morning, with an easy-breezy cover girl feeling that I was convinced only exists in fairy tales.

Ah, if only I had discovered my friends Lexapro and Wellbutrin sooner.

Even with my cocktail of antidepressants, I’d still describe my happiness as hard-won.

I don’t think I’ll ever see happiness as a default state or a choice you can authentically make.

I also don’t think it’s the only emotion worth striving for. It’s just one of many emotions.