Is It Avoidance or Discernment? When “No” Is Actually the Right Answer Ep 16

How do you know whether the fear you’re feeling is something to move through—or information telling you something genuinely isn’t right for you?

That distinction can be difficult, because fear can show up in both situations.

In this episode of Unshakeable Belief, Monica investigates the difference between avoidance and discernment—and why simply paying attention to how uncomfortable something feels may not give you the answer.

Sometimes fear appears because something we deeply want requires us to be seen, take a risk, or step into uncertainty. Other times, the discomfort is telling us that we’re trying to force ourselves to keep wanting something that no longer fits.

Monica explores this through her own experience of being someone who became very good at pushing through difficult things. For a capable person, it can become easy to assume that every challenge is simply something else to overcome. But eventually, Monica began asking a different question: just because I can carry something, does that mean I’m supposed to?

That question changes the investigation.

Because saying yes isn’t automatically courage, and saying no isn’t automatically fear. Sometimes moving forward while you’re afraid is exactly what growth requires. Other times, growth means acknowledging that something no longer belongs in your life.

As Monica explains in this conversation, “Courage and self-abandonment are not the same thing.”

You’ll also hear why changing your mind doesn’t necessarily mean you failed, how your history can influence the meaning you assign to discomfort, and why self-trust doesn’t require knowing with certainty that you’re making the “right” decision.

Instead, self-trust can look like making the best decision you can with the information you have today—and trusting yourself to keep paying attention when new information arrives.

So if you’re wrestling with a decision, the question may not simply be:

“Am I afraid?”