15 Years of Estrangement, Mothers & the Freedom That Comes From Healing Your Own Way

I'm recording this from my bed in Tokyo, which is not where I planned to record an episode about 15 years of being estranged from 90% of my family but this is a topic I was going to share on the podcast eventually and a reel started trending on Instagram a month after I posted it. Lots of you can unfortunately relate, so here we are.

I want to be upfront: this episode includes discussions of an abusive childhood, family estrangement, not being believed, and everything else that is genuinely hard. If that's not where you're at right now, I love you and please sit this one out.

But if you're somewhere in the middle of this pain and you need to hear that doing the healing work is worth it, I recorded this episode for you. I’ve been getting lots of questions in my DMs so I’ll be answering some of those by sharing my thoughts on grief, guilt, dealing with difficult questions from other people and the surprising number of beautiful things that came out of all of this pain. I also talk about growing up with an emotionally volatile mum, leaving home at 16, and what it feels like to be estranged so suddenly.

Key Takeaways

Growing up with an emotionally volatile mum in what I didn’t realize was an abusive environment and then losing an entire side of my family overnight

Leaving home at 16 and the chaotic, painful few years that followed

The generational trauma patterns that I know I will not be repeating

How I was running from my feelings in my early twenties and eventually got serious about my healing

How compassion for my mum developed slowly over fifteen years

Handling the "but that's your mum" comments

The unexpected positives of estrangement: freedom, self-trust, a bigger life, and a wedding guest list full of only people I actually want there

How losing one side of my family opened up space for my dad's side to come in and how grateful I am for that